What Have I Become?

How can someone you’ve been talking to for almost a year end something in just an instant? It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve talked to you and I’ve tried many of times to get in contact with you. You say one thing but the you completely fall off the face of the earth without warning. I’m so hurt and so upset by this whole situation. I can’t fucking look at you, hear your voice or even think about you without wanting to just scream in your face. Why lead me on for so long? Why hurt me? You were a fucking train wreck when you got out of your relationship and I was there to help you and console you. And now you’re the one that’s hurting someone else. After your heart was stomped on and you know how it feels to be heart broken, you can cut someone off in an instant like that? It makes no fucking sense. There has to be more to it. I must not have been the only one. I figured on occasions where we plan to hang out then all of a sudden don’t text me cause you had a better offer. I should have listened to my friends and moved on and just gave up when I first told you my feelings. But no. I wanted to hang on to every ounce of sweetness I felt from you. I had other offers myself. Probably guys that would have did way more for me then you ever have. It just sucks that I gave up different experiences for you just so that I could be a rebound and just fucking dumb bitch that you hooked up with. I was a fucking secret from everyone you knew. No one knew about us except for my friends. Like what the fuck is there to hide? Yeah I use to be friends with your ex but get the fuck over it. It’s pretty fucking obvious she moved on. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about myself or my relationships. I let that happen before and I just didn’t wanna end up regretting it again. Well turns out I regret this anyway but for a totally different reason. I just really don’t understand how in less that 3 hours that you can go from wanted to come over and cuddle with me, to saying some retarded ass shit then not talking to me for 2 weeks. But yeah it’s cool. Not like I see you post on facebook or any other bullshit like that. So it’s obvious you’re ignoring me. Fucking man up and just say you don’t wanna be with me. That would make me feel better than just having you move on with your life. You act like your 10 fucking years old but claim you’re fucking smart and have an extensive vocabulary. Well guess what? You can shove that all up your ass cause I could really give two fucks about what you think. You’re a liar, stealer, user, fake ass mother fucker. And if you don’t get your way, you bitch and moan until you find out one tiny itty bitty way that you’re fucking right. I’m just so tired of men and need a break from all their bullshit. So fuck all you loser ass men and leave me alone for about 6 months. K thanks.
And a big fuck you goes out to the mother fucker that made this vent all possible. Have fun with your small fucking weiner. Byeeeee

My world couldn’t have turned more upside down tonight. I found out things that just make me want to hurt people. I’m completely over whelmed and so scared and I just don’t know how to handle a situation like this. It’s come to the point where I’m about to pack up my shit, and move my brother and I far far away. I’m just filled with so many different emotions and I just need to find out what to do first. I won’t give up. I don’t break promises.

Stop at nothing

When I’m with you, all my problems seem to go away. I can’t think about anything else but you when we’re together. You make me laugh and smile and you take all of my pain and depression and just make me feel alive. Kissing you in the rain tonight made me feel like I was in a fairy tale. I couldn’t be happier right now :) just had to share lol

14 years ago, I lost the most important man in my life. My grandfather was an amazing person. I’ll never forget singing with him in my mom’s car, sitting with him at my cousins’ baseball games, and just being around him. If he were still alive, I know my life would be completely different because he wouldn’t have let all this shit go down in my life. But he is watching over my whole family and I know that he is planning something good for us. When my grandfather died, that was the first time I experienced death. It’s the one that hurts the most and the one I get so upset about cause I know my grandmother misses him so much and my mom, aunt and uncle. My grandfather was so amazing and I love and miss him with all my heart. I hope I’m making you proud poppop. I love you more than words can describe. Thanks for being the amazing man you were and I can’t wait to see you again. I’m not afraid to die anymore because I know when it’s my time that you will be the first one waiting for me. I can’t wait to hug you again. I love you so much